Hipsters go green

Of the many aspects of Hipsterdom, one of the most baffling to outsiders is our dedication to being eco friendly. Where does this arise from?

Easy. Nothing is as beloved in the American mainstream as killing the Earth. Gas guzzlers are right up there with baseball and apple pie!

It’s not that we actually care about the environment. That would violate the oath of apathy we take upon reaching adulthood. No, it’s just that trying to take care of the planet we live on is so abnormal in this country that it’s a very easy way to stand out (which is what we want). And since it doesn’t take much effort, it’s great for those who’re too lazy to dress weirdly or organize marches or something.

Next time you see a Hipster at a restaurant (ha, as if any Hipster would be seen at the kinds of restaurants you go to) take the time to notice how she will loudly complain that there are not enough vegan products on the menu, and then demand the waiter specify whether the produce is locally grown.

Notice that after eating less than half of the meal, she will not drive home but will take the bus or hop on her fixie.

Notice, after she parks her bike outside of the artists’ commune where she lives and crosses the lawn, her dainty figure casting a long shadow and her hair sparkling in the light of the silver moon, that her recycling bin is heaped to the brim.

Notice, as you peak into her window…wait. Why did you follow her home? You’re creepy, did you know that? Stop stalking the poor girl. Seriously.

Point is, where it used to be cool to play the part of the ungrateful teenager rebelling against our mother (nature), now it’s too commonplace. To be rebellious in modern society, you gotta pay mama some respect.

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